Rejected After an Interview? How to Shift Your Energy

Denied. Again. You just read the email in your inbox that the company you’ve been interviewing with for that perfect-fit role is “going in another direction.” This is just the latest in a long string of rejections that began when you left your last company six months ago.

It’s completely understandable to be deeply disappointed, even angry and fearful for your future. It’s also okay to give yourself a day or two to grieve the loss. After this, though, it’s time to keep moving forward. You can visit Pity City, but you can’t live there. What if a few days go by, though, and you’re still feeling stuck?

Reframing is a useful tool to get yourself unstuck. One great reframing tool my colleagues and I like is the 7 Levels of Energy from the book Energy Leadership, by Bruce Schneider. Each level of energy has a “core thought”. A goal in reframing is to identify which core thought is active in you right now and see if you can move up to a higher level of energy by “trying on” a new core thought.

Here’s how you might react or respond to the job rejection news from each of the 7 Levels of Energy. Try each of these energy levels on, like you would a hat, and see which one most fits how you’re feeling right now. Can you experiment with a different core thought at a higher level of energy and reframe the rejection?

Level 1: Core thought = “I lose” – I’m the victim. I blame myself, thinking over and over, “What did I do wrong? I’m lousy at interviewing. I didn’t connect with the recruiter. I’m not good enough.” This is the most common core thought after an interview rejection.

Level 2: “You lose” – I blame you. “It’s the company’s fault. Their interview process was terrible, biased, unfair. The recruiter was an idiot.” Level 2 can feel a little better than level one, but it’s still a highly negative, unhealthy place to be.

Level 3: “I win” – “I am going to survive this and move forward. I’m still feeling some pain, but I am looking ahead and planning my strategy for the next interview. My primary goal is taking care of my needs.” At Level 3 we cross over from negative, destructive energy to slightly positive, opportunistic energy.

Level 4: “You win” – At this level, I’m energized when you win. If you get what you need, I’m happy. In job search, this might happen when I share leads and interviewing tips with another but don’t expect anything in return. Or I provide consulting advice to a potential employer without advocating strongly for myself. While Level 4 is very positive and generous, if taken to an extreme, it can cause you to descend back to Level 1.

Level 5: “Unless we all win, no one wins” – At Level 5, the predominant energy is win-win. I’m now able to look at the rejection more objectively and understand the opposite perspective. The rejection may not have had anything to do with me. Perhaps there was an inside candidate who really deserved the role. Or perhaps another person came along who had way more experience than me. I reach out to the recruiter and thank her for the interview, reaffirm my interest in the company should a better-fit role arise, and offer to be a referral source if needed. I focus my energy on companies that are most aligned with my values and keep moving proactively forward with networking.

Level 6: “We always win” – At this level, I look for the gift in the rejection. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. This role didn’t work out because there is something better for me around the corner. This job search odyssey has been a huge personal growth opportunity for me. Even though I haven’t landed a job yet, I’m a better, more evolved person than I was six months ago.

Level 7: “There is no winning or losing” – At Level 7, the predominant feeling is gratitude. I’m grateful for my life and every person I meet on the journey. Each conversation I have reveals new insights and illuminates the path forward. Perhaps I discover that starting my own business or consultancy is what would be most on-purpose for me now.

What’s your predominant level of energy? What triggers you to move into a negative energetic space? The next time you feel yourself backsliding into negativity, return to the 7 Levels of Energy. Identify where you are and make the effort to pivot upward, one level at a time. Even the smallest shifts can be positive and live giving.