Leaders, Question Your Questions!

By Shahnaz Broucek

Questions are complicated. They can help you explore, discover, learn, connect, and re-examine your assumptions and beliefs. At the same time, they can sometimes hurt relationships, become ego-centered, be judgmental with the need to be right and shut down the conversations that are actually needed to move things forward. Questions can even feel like an inquisition, if we’re not careful.

As a coach, I see leaders struggle with how to ask better questions frequently. They may ask questions to help prove their point, but miss the opportunity to actually understand the other person’s point of view. They may become defensive and triggered in difficult conversations or situations, losing sight of their intention to be curious and open to the views of others. Think of the lost leadership opportunities that transpire when that happens.

Here are five tips to help you ask better questions:

  1. Know when to use an open-ended vs. closed-ended question. Open-ended questions help you explore and give space for the other person in a conversation to reply as they see it, vs. being narrowed into limited options (like yes, no). We all like to have choice and space to explain our own thinking, in general. Closed-ended questions can also be helpful as follow up to open-ended questions. Maybe you have asked an open-ended question such as, “What would work best for you to get this project wrapped up?” Now, you have some information from the other person. It may be time to put some options on the table as you reflect on what you heard and what you think may work. You might say something like, “Would you prefer to stay late or come in over the weekend?” Consider how you can give choice to someone, in general.
  2. Clarify your understanding of what the other person shared. We sometimes assume communication has taken place when things are not entirely clear. Follow up what you’ve heard to confirm your understanding. There are times when a well-placed closed-ended question can be useful to clarify your understanding and check in. Here’s an example: “If I’m understanding you correctly, you would prefer to stay late today versus coming in over the weekend. Is that right?”
  3. Recognize whether your question is self-serving or other focused. Sometimes our questions come more from what we need to move a project or task forward versus what would actually help the other person. Ask yourself, if my purpose were to help this person think through their own solutions, what question(s) would be useful?
  4. Avoid asking why. Questions like, “Why did you do that?” can put someone on the defensive. We can come across as judgmental when we ask “why…” Instead, look for ways to ask why without asking why. Here are some examples: “Help me understand what your thought process was.” “What was it that you were going for with that approach?”
  5. Consider whether your questions come across as supportive or judgmental. This may mean seeking some feedback to learn more about how others experience you. Be careful not to justify or over-sell your reason for why you took a particular approach with your line of questioning. Instead, listen to feedback with gratitude, taking it in as a data point as you look for patterns on how others experience you.

Want to be a more effective leader? Take the time to reflect on and improve the questions you ask. Practice, seek feedback, and see what works for you!