How to Give Critical Feedback in a Positive Way
By Shahnaz Broucek
How comfortable are you giving “critical” or constructive feedback to others? If we are being honest with ourselves, often, we avoid it altogether because we’re afraid of the other person’s reaction. We don’t want to hurt people. This is a noble intention; however, the nearly universal response we hear from our clients is that they don’t get regular, meaningful feedback at all. Gallup’s research confirms this. Consider this: If we don’t give others feedback, we set them up to continuously disappoint us. We also miss the opportunity to help others develop. Mastering feedback is a vital leadership skill. So, how can you give feedback that’s helpful while keeping your relationships positive and productive? Here’s what we recommend:
1. Take time to reflect and prepare. Check in with yourself. What is your intention? If you are blaming or judging, how can you reframe and connect with your values before proceeding? Stay focused on the objective of helping the other person and improving your relationship and communication. Consciously audit your feedback beforehand to catch any “unconscious” biases you might have about the person or the situation. Look at your feedback through the three lenses:
2. During the conversation, look for ways to both care personally and challenge directly. Use a coaching approach.
3. Remember to make emotional bank deposits regularly. We need a reservoir of positive messages to counterbalance the emotional charge of negative ones: 3 to 1 at a minimum, and ideally 5 or 6 to 1. Train your brain to look for wins, not just losses. Make a habit of giving specific, positive feedback on a regular basis.
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