We might fear that if we ask someone for their honest feedback, we won’t be able to handle their response. Our ego can also inhibit us from seeking feedback. We might believe, for example, that we “should” know the right answers ourselves. We might be concerned we’ll create a negative image by seeking feedback. Or, maybe even that we will be seen as insecure if we seek feedback. Besides, we know we are trying hard and bringing our best selves to work every day. Who really wants to open themselves up to criticism? From that position, we just don’t ask. We live in blissful ignorance and denial of blind spots that others can plainly see. The truth is, feedback is a gift, though it doesn’t always come in a pretty package. Learning to seek and accept feedback is essential to career and leadership success.
Getting critical feedback becomes even more challenging as you rise in an organization. The higher you go, the less people are willing to give you open honest feedback, even if you do solicit it, because of your relative status/position. You must establish trust with others for them to share freely with you. And, if you resist their feedback, even once, you may never hear it authentically again. In one case, a leader regularly checked in with his staff for feedback, but because he became angry and rejected criticism one time, his team stopped offering anything of real value when he asked for it.
With all the stresses related to feedback, it’s no wonder we wouldn’t want to seek it. Interestingly, however, according to Professor Susan Ashford from the University of Michigan, studies consistently show that feedback seeking:
With these benefits, forming a habit of regularly seeking feedback and embracing it as a gift are essential to your professional and personal growth. But how can you do this without getting triggered by negative feedback?
It begins with mindset and ability to reframe. In the book, Mindset, the New Psychology of Success, author and Stanford professor Carol Dweck identifies two mindsets, fixed and growth. Depending on which mindset we hold, we either see feedback as a blessing or a curse. Here’s a quick overview of the two mindsets:
The good news is that we can cultivate a growth mindset and increase our ability to receive feedback constructively. Here are a few helpful strategies to seek feedback and regard it with a growth mindset.
Form a habit of regularly seeking feedback with people around you, including your leader, peers, and directs. Be specific in making the request: For instance, “In our team meetings, to facilitate better discussion, what should I start doing? What should I keep doing? What should I stop doing?”
Make positive assumptions about others’ intentions when they share critical feedback with you. What if the reality is that they care about you and really want to help you and the organization succeed, even if the message is tough to hear?
Ask yourself, how can you reframe the feedback from a more positive perspective? If you’re telling yourself a story that it’s negative, what’s a more positive version?
When you feel yourself resisting feedback, ask yourself: “what’s the 2% that could be true?”
Observe your mindset – if you are feeling “negative”, there is probably a fixed mindset beneath it. Challenge yourself to adopt a learning perspective.
Ask, listen, and thank the feedback giver without justifying, defensiveness, or blame. Take 24 hours to respond if you need to. It takes time to put critical feedback into perspective and move forward productively.
As a leader or aspiring leader, it’s also important to consider how you can foster a growth mindset on your team. Model openness to feedback and be willing to be vulnerable and admit mistakes. Recognize that critical feedback can trigger negative emotions. When a setback occurs, rather than describing it to the team as a failure, you can frame the experience as learning. This reframing tends to support a willingness to explore and innovate, vs. driving overly cautious or perfectionistic behaviors. Fostering a growth mindset leads to positive business outcomes!