Why would you want to seek feedback if you expect you’ll hear something you don’t really want to hear? We might fear that if we ask someone for their honest feedback, we won’t be able to handle their response. Who really wants to open themselves up to criticism, which feels stressful? As a result, we often just don’t ask, choosing to live in blissful ignorance and denial of what the other person really might think. We may make assumptions based on our past experiences with someone – if they were overly critical in the past, we might assume we already know what they would say, so we avoid asking.
Our ego can also inhibit us from seeking feedback. We might believe, for example, that we “should” know the right answers ourselves. We might be concerned we’ll create a negative image by seeking feedback. Or, maybe even that we will be seen as insecure if we seek feedback.
Getting helpful feedback becomes increasingly challenging as you rise in an organization. People are less likely to give you open, honest feedback even if you do solicit it, because of your relative status/position. You have to establish trust with them in order for them to share freely with you. And, if you resist their feedback, you may never hear it authentically again. In one case, a leader I worked with did regularly check in with his staff for their feedback, but because he would sometimes respond with anger or defensiveness, his employees stopped offering anything of real value when he asked for it.
With all the stresses related to receiving feedback, it’s no wonder we wouldn’t want to seek it. Interestingly, however, according to Professor Susan Ashford from the University of Michigan, Stephen M. Ross School of Business, studies consistently show that feedback seeking:
With all of these benefits, finding a way to embrace feedback seeking, and even see it as a gift, can be an important part of your personal development plan. How can you do this without getting triggered if the feedback doesn’t feel positive?
It begins with our mindset and ability to reframe. Stanford Professor of Psychology Carol Dweck identifies two mindsets, fixed and growth. Here’s a quick overview of the differences between the two mindsets:
The good news is that we can cultivate a growth mindset and positivity, which increase our ability to receive feedback constructively. Here are a few helpful strategies to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset orientation:
Observe your mindset – if you are feeling “negative”, there is probably a fixed mindset beneath it. Challenge yourself to adopt a learning perspective.
As a leader or aspiring leader, it’s also important to consider how you can foster a growth mindset in your employees and teams. Recognize that critical feedback can trigger negative emotions that result in resisting feedback or self-doubt and other unproductive outcomes. When setbacks occur, rather than framing them as “failure”, you can help frame the experience as learning. This reframing tends to support a willingness to explore and innovate, vs. driving overly cautious or perfectionistic behaviors. Fostering a growth mindset leads to positive business outcomes!
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